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Stars Of The Lid – December Hunting For Vegetarian Fuckface (2007)

Fuckface is a most splendid sounding insult, pleasingly alliterative and both derogatory and complimentary in equal manner. According to the Urban Dictionary a ‘fuckface’ could be…

‘a person who, eloquently speaking, is such a complete and utter disgrace to mankind. Otherwise, if he/she is a friend…this is a compliment.’

‘a person with a face that instantly pisses you off the moment you see it and you have to fight an incredible urge to smash him or her in the mouth.’

‘spoilt rich kids that smirk..’

‘Irish kids with the pushed in pug (nose) and freckles…’

‘teenagers who look down their nose at you…’

‘An ugly dumbass prick.’

‘what a fuck would look like if it had face.’

and so on and so forth, you get the gist.

Which one would you choose? As a term of intimate affection to a friend or partner? A spittle inflected put down toward a life long nemesis? A casually cruel nickname for a three legged, cross eyed dog?

Or would you simply say to yourself in a calm moment of inner reflection. ‘Fuck you Urban Dictionary! You are the fuckface here! A cultural fuckface! You are facefucking away the dignity of living in the urban realm, laughing at the notion of peace and harmony with your promotion of street lingo and profanity, lowering the bar with your facefucking of language. So, we say fuck you Urban Dictionary and your uncouth ilk, I’m off down the countryside to stay in a marzipan house in the wheatfields of yore to listen to the wind and the drones of ambient bearded men on my musical cube of oak. The screams from your concrete conclaves and the facefuckers who dwell there will be drowned under the slow swell of my rooibos and mantra eroticus.

And isn’t that what John Peel would have wanted?

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